I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize