wanna go halves on a baby?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
vagina is talking i cant
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
