there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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