Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
