I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
