When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Randomize
