can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
