I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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