So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
