Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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