I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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