my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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