believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
