I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
