tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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