I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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