How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
