Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
