I cockslap morals
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
