i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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