Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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