someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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