We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
