I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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