yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
