I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
