cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
