11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
