You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize