And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
