Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
