I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
