So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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