I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
