did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
