i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
