Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
