I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
