I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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