so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
