She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
