I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
