Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
