Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
