I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
