THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
