Say something about gay babies.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
