so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i wish my penis had a tongue
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
