i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
