you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
