Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
