My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
