wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
