someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
