i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
