I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
